Martha Stewart on Steroids...

So I decided I wanted my entire family to come to my house for Christmas. Okay, not my entire family but the family that was, at least for now, speaking to each other. Anyway, I wanted it to be perfect. Not having a real dining room table, I put together the redneck version of two 8' tables put together to make one big one and threw in some nice metal folding chairs to complete the look. It actually didn't look that bad. I had two matching table cloths and a runner with a nice centerpiece and some candles. I had gold charger plates and white plates with poinsettias on them. I even had matching crystal glasses for us all to drink out of. When it got time for us to eat, I looked on the counter and there was one glass that hadn't been claimed yet. I inquired as to who was trying to drink out of a Dickie's cup instead of my fine crystal and my cousin Joey said, in a quivering voice, that it was him and then he started apologizing profusely. It was then that I decided I was taking myself way too seriously. We just aren't usually a "sit down at a real table with matching plates" kind of family. That's okay. The important thing was that we were all together and got to chow down on some kick ass food(if I do say so myself).
Eli decided to take a nap during dinner which was a good thing. He is demanding more and more attention and is getting pickier in his eating by the minute too. We will hand him something in his high chair for him to eat and he will look us straight in the eye, and with all seriousness, drop it on the floor for the dog. He is starting to exert a little stubborness. It's basically a toss up on who he got that from. His father and I are equally stubborn but I am a little more vocal about it and Eli is not silent about his demands. Can't wait and see what happens next.
So all of the Christmas stuff is put away and Charles and I are preparing for a New Years diet. The last time we seriously dieted we lost about 45 lbs each. Wish us luck! I will keep you posted.
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Mutant Rats

So the other day, charles kept hearing rustling noises coming from our garage. We had some rat poison left over for when we lived in an old house in Richardson so he opened it up and put it in the garage by our bicycles that we havent ridden since the 1st Bush administration. Anyway, he goes out there today to check on it and....not only did the rats eat the poison, they took off with the entire friggin box! That's right ladies and germs, the box that had the poison it it disappeared. These are some very industrious rats. Maybe they took it to where the missing socks go that always seem to disappear in the dryer. Or maybe they are with that earring that I dropped and, when I bent down to pick it up, had somehow bounced into another dimension or something. After Christmas, we are going to clean out the garage and see if we find the box and, hopefully, some rat carcasses. I will keep you posted.
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p.s. stay tuned for a pic of Eli with Santa. It was sketchy there for a minute but he did great! It was even past him bedtim and everything.

How random am I????

So one of the women in my mom's group told me how she was on My Space and found Kevin Smith on there and was now officially one of his friends. For those of you who don't know who he is, shame on you! He is responsible for Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Dogma among others. I love Jay and Silent Bob. Fans of his will know who I am talking about, Snootches!
Anyway, I did a search and I think I found him. It was supposedly "the real kevin smith". We'll see. Of course, if he isn't Kevin Smith, he could be a serial killer who stalks bored housewives over the internet. Or he could be the real deal and we can become best buds and he will invite me and my family out to LA and support us for the rest of our lives in the style to which I can become accumstomed to if given the chance. I would actually settle for a happy medium. I'm not sure if I am willing to move to La La Land. California has earthquakes, floods, fires and, worst of all, Ryan Seacrest! Scary!
I will keep you posted.
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Headphones are a great pacifier!

The greatest gift we can get ourselves and give to Eli this holiday season? Headphones and a mobile DVD player!

Eli with daddy at Merry Main Street

Eli loves his daddy!

Busy Weekend...Part 3

So Sunday, we went with another couple and their three kids to Greenville to cut down a Christmas tree. This is our first year with a real tree and I am hoping to start a tradition. We get in their car and they have wireless headphones and a dvd player. I put the headphones on Eli thinking he would immediately pull them off but he was mesmorized. I think we have struck gold and found the secret to keeping him quiet and entertained.
We get to the farm and ride a hayride out to the field. My original goal was to get at least an 8' tree. I ended up with something like 0 1/2 or 11'!!!! They were just so big and beautiful I couldn't help it. I also bought 10' of garland to go on our fireplace. I chose 10' just because I didn't know how much I needed. We also had to buy a tree stand too. So we spent enough money to almost successfully give Charles and heart attack and then headed home. See attached pic for Eli's choice of tree.
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p.s. It is now Thursday and we have only succeeded in putting the lights on the tree. I usually have everything up by the weekend after Thanksgiving! I am so ashamed!

Pic from Cleburne

Here is Eli waiting for the parade to come by. If only life could be this easy

Busy Weekend...Part 2

So we spent Friday night at my friend Diana's house after the parade. Her husband was out of town and her son, who is 3 weeks younger than Eli, was at his grandma's house. Eli loved playing with all of his toys. He also liked slamming the walker down on her hardwood floors. Sorry Di. Mr. Destructo was on the move and couldn't be stopped. Thanks for the great breakfast!
After we left, we decided, since we were far away from home anyway, that we would check out the Gaylord Texan Resort in Grapevine. I had heard it was fabulous and we weren't too far away. I figure it would be cheap because all we wanted to do really was look around. We get there and self parking is $8. We pay that and the garage is about 3 blocks from the hotel. We go inside and walk around and it is pretty impressive. They have this giant atrium in the middle and one wall looks like the Alamo and there is even a little mini riverwalk as well. Charles decides that he is hungry so I suggest we find something to eat there. He says that it will be too expensive and I said "Look. There is a place called "The Riverwalk Cafe". Anything with the word cafe in it can't be too expensive, right?" So we make our way down there and I go to the hostess stand to look for a menu. That way we can see how much stuff costs before we committ to eating there. The last thing you want is to already be seating and then realize you can't afford to eat there. Well, it turns out that they don't have a menu. It's all you can eat. So I have to ask the question that I didn't want to have to ask and that was "How much is it?". It turns out the price per person is $21!!!! If this were Vegas, I would be tempted. They have shrimp and crab claws and lobsters on their buffets but I couldn't even see this buffet and I didnn't think I was $21 worth of hungry. So we retreated and left the resort. For $8 I expected my car to be started and the heater running for me when I got back to it but, alas, I was once again in the cheapskate area. Oh well.
Saturday night we went to this nightmare called "Merry Main Street Christmas" in Frisco. It was nuts! They had horse drawn carriege rides right through the area where people were walking. There were often shouts of "Coming through" and "Watch your step" and "Move it" mingled with Christmas carols. It was cold and crowded and Eli was mad he couldn't get down and walk around. We did what any other American family would do, we escaped to the mall. There Eli was able to frolick in the indoor playground. Good times!
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p.s. This is a pic from the resort.

Busy Weekend...Part 1

So Friday night we went to a parade in Cleburne, Texas. It's about an hour and a half drive and Eli did fairly well. We really need a portable dvd player or some tranquilizers or something. He gets antsy. We also went to this place called Hulen Park to look at Christmas lights. I don't know what Eli liked more, the lights or running around like a maniac. Anyway, fun was had by all.
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When did this happen????

So in the space of a week, all of a sudden, our son has forgotten how to entertain himself. His daddy and I are his universe and all he wants to do is hang with us. Who can blame him? The other day, he was almost literally up my butt. He was walking around behind me holding on to the seat of my pants. He follows me into the bathroom. Any sort of loud or unfamiliar noise scares him. It's weird. He is also talking....a lot. Sometimes I think I understand what he is saying and other times he will basically say an entire paragraph and I have no clue. It's like Russian or that language they speak when you get your toes done. For all I know, he is calling me a looser or quoting Shakespeare. He also has to be constantly entertained. Any trip longer than five minutes in the car now results in a screaming hissy fit. The only thing that calms him down is if I sing Old Macdonald. You would not believe how may different animals I have had to come up with to keep that song going. Do camels make a sound?
All of these things are just another day in this roller coaster called parenthood. When he is happy, I feel like the best mother ever. When he isn't, I think I need to call CPS on myself. It's scary but it's also a great ride!
Tomorrow night we are going to Cleburne for something called the Whistlestop Christmas. There will be a parade and lots of lights. Who knows what joys the night will bring. I will keep you posted.

My main man..

So I just have to brag about my hunka hunka burning love! Both of us are basically useless when it comes to fixing things. It's much easier just to work around something is broken and procrastinate so much you don't even miss it anymore. Take our vegetable sprayer for instance. I used it about a month and a half ago and the thing would not stop spraying. I took it apart trying to fix it and then couldn't get it back together all the way so we just started using the sprayer every time we needed to use the sink. We had to pull the hose out some because if we didn't, we would forget that only the sprayer worked and shoot water across the room. So I went yesterday and bought a new sprayer. I get it home and realize that they are both different and basically give up. I am already having visions of the awesome new faucet I am going to get. I'm thinking of one of those faucets that you can pull out and it becomes the veggie sprayer.
So anyway, my hubby takes a look at it and gets out his tool kit. It takes him awhile because, who are we kidding, we don't use it that often. I am in the living room and I hear him tinkering around in there and don't really think anything of it because, again, WE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THINGS! Well kiss my grits if my macho macho man didn't fix it good as new? He is so cute! He did crush my hopes of a Kohler faucet but I am so proud of him! Now if he could just fix his garage door opener which keeps opening and closing by itself we will be all set!
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Eli is so freaking cool!

So just this weekend, Eli has started really interacting with us. He is going through a growth spurt wants food all the time so he is really wearing out the baby sign language sign for "more". Today he got in Charles' face and kept doing it until he fed him something. The other day he decided his new favorite passtime was to chase the dog around with either the talking lawn mower or the walker toy. I am not sure Zoey thinks this particular interaction is cool or not but it sure if funny to watch. We invented a game called "Leap Eli" where Eli makes a run for us and we sort of do a hurdle over him. This is so fun to him he could keep doing it all day. Tonight when we were at Garden Ridge, he pointed to one of those inflatable monstosities and said "tats peety" which I assume means "that's pretty". This kid is even more entertaining than my Tivo and that is saying a lot. I can't wait to see what he does next!
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A reason for children...

So Daddy stayed home with Eli all day while mean Boss made mommy work. By the time I got home, Daddy needed to be rescued. Eli was cranky. So I decided to take him to our hometown festival in McKinney called "Dickens of a Christmas". They block off the downtown square and have all sorts of activities for adults and children as well as a big giant Christmas tree that they were going to light tonight. I thought the lighting was at 6:30 but it turned out it was at 6:00 and by the time we got there it was already lit. It took forever to park and the streets were pretty crowded. I was beginning to think this was a bad idea and I was starting to get cranky myself. Then I took Eli over to the Christmas tree. I took him out of the stroller and we stood there staring at this beautiful tree with it's colored lights and ornaments. The look on his face took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I realized that besides being a miracle brought to you by God, children also help you see things differently and with a fresh pair of eyes. Despite how cranky he was or now tired, all of that was forgotten in that one moment with his mommy standing in downtown McKinney the night after Thanksgiving looking at a Christmas tree. He probably won't remember it but I sure will.
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Redneck baby gate..

This is what my husband came up with:

Short people can't help me.....

So I am at my favorite store, Walmart, and I am grocery shopping. (Don't make fun of Walmart! I love that friggin' store. No matter which one I go in I usually have no trouble finding stuff and it is usually cheaper than anywhere else.) I am in the frozen food aisle and I am looking for Michaelina's formed mashed potato and chicken popper meal that Eli loves. Apparently, every little rugrat on the planet loves it too because the only ones left were on the top shelf way in the back. I tried to reach it but, short from me standing on the side of the freezer and risking certain injury, no cigar. So I figure it's the Saturday before Thanksgiving, the store is filled with people and pretty soon someone taller than myself will wander by and I can ask them to help me. So I wait and wait and pretty soon, coming around the corner and heading right for me is.....a midget(or a little person, a dwarf, a person of short stature or someone who is vertically challenged). No matter what you call her, the only way she was reaching that shelf is if she got on my shoulders(okay, I was ready to go and I did consider it for a minute but then decided against it.) So I waited some more. I am not kidding you. I waited about 5 minutes and then finally went to the end of the aisle and grabbed someone to help me. As we got back to the cooler, there was a guy probably 6 1/2' tall getting something from the bottom shelf! Oh hey, let me get that for you. For all I know, you were just waiting for some short person to grab something from the bottom shelf for you so you don't throw your back out. Nice timing Lurch!
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Manners of men and bad mothering

So I have had three experiences in the last two days that lead me to believe that chivalry is dead. I go to Lifetime Fitness to work out and and I have Eli in the stroller because I am about to drop him off at the daycare center. The door opens outward and there was a man coming out of the daycare center as I was going in. So I swing my stroller around because I just know this guy is going to hold the door for me and when I turn back around he has let the door shut and is already sauntering down the hall. I call after him and tell him thanks. No response. Butthead! Then, on my way out, another guy lets the door shut on me. Even though it makes me mad, I just chalk it up to too much testosterone or something somehow must attack the good manner gene. But the same friggin' thing happens when I get to work this morning. I was heading into my corporate office struggling with bags and briefcases and this yahoo doesn't hold the door for me. What is wrong with people? I was raised to say yes sir and yes maam and to give up my seat for old people and to say bless you when you sneeze and excuse me when I burp(or whatever) and most especially, to hold the door for people if they have their hands full. I had a little 6 year old boy hold the door open for me the other day. If he can do it, I am sure the average adult male can be bothered to as well.
On another note...
Parenthood is usually by trial and error. They don't exactly tell you that in the parenting books but I figured it out all by myself. I learned a valuable lesson this evening when I was at home alone with Eli. It was 7:30pm and Charles wasn't home yet. So I decided we would call him and give him a hard time....on speaker phone. Eli heard his father speak and his eyes immediately traveled to the door leading from the garage as if he was just around the corner instead of 30 miles away. When he couldn't find his daddy, he started crying. Very nice, Stacy. Why don't you just shoot his favorite stuffed animal execution style while you are at it? So a word of advice to my loyal readers out there: Do not use the speaker phone on your toddler until you know he understands what it is. After that, I had to give him a bath and put him to bed. Funtime was over. Hopefully mommy won't ruin Thangsgiving and Christmas too. Oh well. Live and learn.
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Rejected....

So Charles came home early today and we decided to go and pick up Eli from daycare together. We parked, went inside and signed him out on the computer, and then went in to his classroom to get him. Now understand that the best part of my day is when I go and pick him up from daycare and he comes towards me with those little arms outstretched and a big smile on his face. I have even seen him knock some little girl out of his way to get to me. Today his father and I walked in together and are standing side by side. He comes towards us, arms outstretched and a big smile on his face and...goes straight into his friggin' daddy's arms. What the H? I carried that child for almost 10 months. I brought him in to this world. Now I am cast aside like yesterday's news. I am trying not to take it personally but it would have been so cool if, given a choice, he would have picked me. Not cool for Charles but cool for me.
I realize something. Eli is fickle. There are some days where Charles will try his best to entertain him(he is, after all, Eli's favorite toy) and he will just cry for me. Is it kind of wrong that something like that makes me feel good? I know he loves us both. It's funny how you can have a crappy day and a smile from your little one can just make everything right.
I guess I will forgive his rejection this time. It's really hard to stay mad at someone with those dimples.
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Sisters Unite!

So what is it about women and their inability to get along? Sometimes a womans first instinct is not to like someone they just met. I love my mom's group I am in and so far, as far as I know, I haven't been on the receiving end of any dislike but I have seen a few catty remarks by a few people and it sort of bugs me. I'm not saying "Can't we just all get along" but can't we at least get to know someone before we decide that we don't like them? Because I tell you, that dislike can spread and before you know it, all of us are uniting and that person is persona non grata. There are just some people who aren't happy unless they are stirring things up. I joined this group to meet people and to make friends, not to intentionally leave anyone out. Come on ladies! Who's with me? Let's channel that negative energy and focus it elsewhere! Hubby's, watch out!
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2nd Time was a Charm...

So I finally decided to make my Louisiana Cream Cheese crab cakes using actual crab this time instead of the imitation. It worked like a charm. With the fake stuff, it looked all stringy and gross and it didn't stick together. This mixed together beautifully. It tasted great! I am set for stardom! I did have to make a small substitution on the sauce because I didn't have any cayenne pepper so I used crushed red pepper instead. I thought it made the sauce too hot but my co-workers thought it was great. Look out Emeril, here I come!
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Method of communication

So yesterday, my corporate office had a halloween shin dig. The kids of employees were invited to come up and go trick or treating. Eli was in his incredible hulk costume and looking cuter than ever and a little girl about his age came up to him dressed as Pochahantas. She walked straight up to him and stuck her finger in his nose. Is this some sort of new way or saying hello? The funny thing was he didn't seem to mind.
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Don't make him angry....

So we went to a Fall Festival at our church this past Friday. Children got to dress up in their costumes and go trick or treating all throught the church. There was face painting and carnival games and all sorts of stuff to keep them busy. Eli was dressed as the incredible hulk. Incredible for sure since he only weighs about 26 pounds. He had to take a quick powernap before the festivities.
When we arrived, he woke up and was ready to party! I ditched the stroller and let him walk for awhile. He was easily distracted. He had little slippers with witches on them and the witch heads would bobble whenever he would walk so he had to stop and stare at them for awhile until he discovered they were not bobbing anymore. This went on for awhile. He liked the cake walk music but was getting a little annoyed when they kept stopping it. He really likes to jam.
He was facinated by the puppet show for about a minute and then got bored so he started growling at me. I'm just glad he didn't start turning green like the hulk.
He enjoyed playing peek-a-boo with his daddy, who was dressed as a train conductor. All in all, he had a great time. I had a great time too but finally realized how exhuasting it will be to keep up with him. He is a maniac right now. He is into everything and loves to crawl on everything. He goes at everything full force whether it can hurt him or not. He is just having too much fun to really care. Can I get some bubble wrap or something?
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tipping...

It is a tradition as old as time....okay, maybe not as old as time but it's bean around awhile. I am talking about tipping. You go into a restaurant and you generally tip the waiter or waitress accordingly. They only make around $2.00 and hour so tipping helps make up their salary. However, the other day I went into the dounut shop and there was a tip jar there. What am I tipping them for exactly? Am I tipping them for having to turn around and grab a dounut and then painstakingly put it in a bag? Or am I tipping because they may have to make change when I pay them? When did tipping start to be expected for counter service? It's not like they gave me a dounut and then gave me a pedicure. The same thing happened at Quizno's as well. What is going on? I am not trying to sound like a cheapskate but there is a reason people choose to do fast food and not sit down dining and the majority of the time it is either because it is cheaper or faster or both. I usually give just a little tip at Sonic because they have to bring the food out to my car and sometimes, they even come out on rollerskates!. (Is it wrong that I wait with baited breath for one of them to bust it or fall off of the curb?) Anyway, the situation is out of hand. It puts me in a situation where, if I don't tip, I am the bad guy. I hate being the bad guy. I want to be good and for everyone to like me. It's pathetic. Like my whole self image is wrapped up in whether or not the freakin' donut person likes me! I know I need help but the tip jars have got to go!
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Busy Saturday

So I left Charles at home and took Eli to this little fall festival at this place called Storybook Ranch. They had hayrides that would take you back to this old western town. It was pretty cool. In the saloon they had this old fashioned soda fountain where you could get shakes and pumkin ice cream. It would have been great except they had only one poor girl working the counter. It would take about 3 minutes for every shake and if you have ever frozen homemade ice cream, you know how hard it is to scoop. They had a woman with one of those spindle thingys weaving stuff. They had these cowboys do this fake gun fight. They had this caricature artist named Doc. Bless his heart, he was a very good artist except everyone he drew had the the same face and just different hair. I couldn't really enjoy too much of the festivities because being the genius I am I left the stroller in the car and allowed Eli to walk half the time. At one point, I caught him trying to eat rocks! Hold on there son. I'll get you some dip.
After that, we went to the Texas State Fair. It was crowded and a total pain in the butt but I think we enjoyed ourselves. We had free tickets to get in from my company but it costs us $10 to park. As we were going into the fair, this guy was leaving and asked us if we wanted his remaining coupons he had left. We thanked him and on closer inspection, discovered he had given us about $12 worth of coupons. What a nice guy!.
What is with the whole coupon thing, anyway. You have to go to a booth and buy coupons and you use them for rides and food. I am assuming they just don't trust carnies with cash.
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Friggin people!

So I finally stepped out of the box and went out on a Friday night which I have not done in forever. I was going to meet some ladies and a paint your own pottery place in Richardson. I tractor trailer almost cut off the back end of my CR-V. I guess he didn's see me before he changed lanes but he was so close I was going to have him examine my colon while he was back there. People drive like idiots on Friday nights! What is with that? Are they in such a hurry that they would risk killing themselves and others to get where they are going? Wise up people and quit driving like assholes. You are making me crazy!
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A Busted Illusion and Dreaming of Geckos

So it finally happened. After working together for almost 7 years I finally burped in front of my boss. It was a total accident. It was one of those your just minding your own business and out it comes unexpectedly burps. I was mortified. It's not that I think he believes I don't do anything gross like pass gas or poop but this opened the door to him actually having to think about it at all. It's kind of like the first time you cuss in front of your parents or pass gas in front of your mate. There is no going back now. But rest assured, if I do accidentally pass gas in front of him, I'm out of there. There are just some things you don't recover from.
On a totally unrelated note, I had a dream last night about the Geico gecko. I have no idea what it was about or anything but I do remember that cute little cockney accent of his. I just love his commercials.
So the crack pot is back at Lifetime. She finally came back but I don't think she is in our class anymore. It was weird. She had the workout sheet but she got on a row of treadmills directly in front of us and sort of did her own thing. She didn't use the weights or the resistance bands and completely ignored the trainer. She didn't make one peep or anything. So I had to think of other ways that she annoyed me. The main one was that she was sweating like crazy but refused to take her warmup jacket off. She had it on the whole time and she had to be burning up. I am so over her. If you aren't going to participate in the group, honey, take your butt to some treadmills on the other side of the club. I am over you.
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Heart attack waiting to happen....

So what is it with infant/toddlers, anyway. Out of every single item in our house, he gravitates towards things that could hurt or kill him. Yesterday we caught him trying to lick an electrical outlet. Luckily, we had outlet protectors on but still. He will bypass his goldfish crackers and go straight for a penny we didn't see lying on the floor. He has over $100 worth of toys but he would like to climb the stairs whether someone is there to catch him or not. There are all sorts of things to keep him occupied but he would rather lean against the oven door while I am baking something. He has tons of stuffed animals but he would rather amuse himself by pulling the dogs ears and terrorizing her. Imagine all of the people on earth and then think to yourself that they were once all little and faced all sorts of dangers. It's a wonder anyone lives long enough to grow up. I would like to write more but I am exhausted from guard duty. More to come later.
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the hunt was on....

So I started looking for Eli a costume for Halloween. It's tough because you never know if it will be cold or warm at the end of October. Last year I got him a little warm up suit with a skeleton on it and he almost had heat stroke.
Anyway, I went to this random place in Plano called Cow Costumes. It was one of those places that someone sets up only during Halloween with a big inflatable Godzilla in front. What Godzilla has to do with Halloween, I don't know but it does grab one's attention.
So I go inside and I find a Yoda costume for Eli. I imagine with the way he walks right now, he would look darn cute in it. But the hope that maybe I would find something even cuter and the other two fly by night costume places I have seen stops me. So on I go without Yoda. The next place I go to is cool but doesn't have anything that I find cuter than Yoda. So I go to this place called Spirit Halloween. It has always had tons of costumes in the past so I figure it would have some cool stuff. It turns out it is set up in this old furniture store and the parking sucks. It takes me 10 minutes to find a space and it turns out to be right next to a girl who is sitting there in her car with her kids smoking a cigarette. I guess she is waiting for someone but Eli and I have the privelidge to inhale her second hand smoke while I get him out of the car and into a stroller. Good times.
We get inside and the only good thing I can say about it is that they had Halloween character pijamas for $5 each. The rest had been picked through or they didnt have much in stock. I was totally disappointed. So I went across the street to Party City and decided on a superman costume for Eli. He needed something that either had a hood or didn't require anything on his head because he will not wear a hat. Superman seemed like a logical choice and was in my price range. Well, apparently party city decided to only have two cashiers working on a Saturday night. I have twenty people up my butt asking me if I needed them to get a costume for me from the back but when it came to someone actually taking my money for it, they were nowhere to be found. I waited and finally put the costume back and left in disgust. Moral of the story, buy online. I didn't have anyone ignore me or try to cut in line or anything when I was sitting at my computer and Eli will look just as cute in the Hulk costume I bought him online as he would have in anything I bought him at the store. Next year, Eli will want to choose his costume and I may be stuck driving all over town or worse, Gulp, having to make something!
Now, if we can only do something about the weather and insure it will be not too warm and not too cool, we would be all set.
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the crazy woman at the gym and Eli's escape attempt

So I had to leave my workout class early on Monday because of a blinding headache from my sinus infection. I got weighed in and I had lost 2 lbs in the three weeks I had been in the class. Not too bad. Well, apparently after I left, the crazy woman in my class got weighed in and she had gained 1 pound. Now let me preface this by saying that she works out 5 days a week so she has probably gained some muscle in what she may have lost in fat. So this is not necessarily a bad thing. But apparently she went postal on our poor personal trainer, Seth. She started ranting and raving about how he is too pushy and she hates pushy people. Uh, does she not know the job description of a personal trainer? Psycho. So I left early and I apparently missed a good show. Oh well.
Today, right after my class, I got paged to come to the child center. I figured Eli was fussing because he has an ear infection but it turned out he only had a poopy diaper(Lifetime Fitness will watch your kid but I guess they draw the line in dealing with poop). So I changed him and we got ready to go. They told me he is ready to move from the baby room to the toddler area. So I decided to let him practice his walking by letting him walk from the childcare center to the front door of the club. We had taken no more than two steps outside of the childcare center when he took off in the opposite direction. What hurt the most was that, as he was toddling away, he was blowing kissed in my direction like "See ya later, sucka!"
I am definately going to have to be in shape to keep up with this kid.
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On the road to recovery...

So I finally got my sniffer and my taste buds back. It wasn't fun to be hungry and not be able to taste anything. On the plus side though, I did loose 4 lbs since last week. My head is still a little stuffy and my sinuses are still bothering me a bit but I no longer feel like I want to die. Thanks for those of you who gave me advice and wished me well. As for the rest of you, and you know who you are, thanks for the love! Just kidding.
So I have a friend who writes a blog. Her name is randommommy. She is actually the one who turned me on to the blog idea in the first place. She is totally cool. She writes things in her blog that some of us may think but would never actually say out loud for anyone to hear. It's refreshing but it sets the bar pretty high. I obviously cannot write about me and my husbands sex life (or, as he puts it, lack there of) or anything remotely sexual in nature. My family totally reads this on a regular basis. This can be a block if I am trying to think of something to write. So I have to choose other material. So instead of writing about my sexual experiences and stuff like that, my only choice is to write either about my husband, son, or what freaks people are. So props out to you, randommommy. I'm your biggest fan. Stay cool and keep giving me something to read at work while I am supposed to be working.
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My punkin at the pumpkin farm

It was a beautiful day. We went to a place called the Big Orange Pumpkin Farm. It was located at Bill Bates Cowbory Ranch in Celina. Way out in the boondocks. We went in and paid and they give you a coupon for a hot dog and a cup of animal food for you to feed the goats, lambs and cows. They were total pigs. Some of them would try to snatch the cup right out of your hand. Eli touched one of the goats but that is about it. When Charles put him down on the ground, he fell over and as he was getting up, he grabbed a handful of pebbles and tried to eat them. What is it about kids wanting to eat things that can make them sick or kill them? I tried to get him to eat lunch and he wouldn't touch it but give him a bunch of rocks and it is on!
Anyway, we stopped for some photo-ops with some hay and pumpkins and then headed out to the pumpkin patch. He loved walking around and when we tried to help him when he stumbled, he would become independent on us.
We got on the hayride and went around the farm. Along the way, there were signs that told the story of a missing hay farmer. He had been missing all year. They were asking if anyone saw him, could they please let his wife know where he is. SPOILER ALERT: Toward the end of the ride, there was a large round thing of hay that had what looked like the bottom half of a man sticking out of it. It was cute.
So after we were done with that, we went and picked out a little pumpkin for Eli and stopped for one more picture. We got a good one of Eli and then I decided that we needed to get our picture taken together. It was up on top of this wagon with no steps to get up. I asked this guy if he would take our picture and then proceeded to try to get up by myself. Charles tried to help me and I almost busted it. It was embarrassing. My heart had the will to get up there but apparently my butt did not. The guy taking the pic had to help me.
So the trip was a lot better than last year. Last year Eli started crying and wouldn't cooperate for any pics. This year he was a whole lot better. He won't remember it but his daddy and I will. It was a good day.
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Whatever.....

Day nine and I still don't feel good. This crud has now settled in my chest. I don't know if it's a cold or if it's allergies. I'm not sneezing or anything. No matter what I take, nothing works. The only time I can actually breathe through my nose is when I am on the treadmill during my workout. Please tell me I don't have to stay on it to feel good. You know what else sucks? I can't taste anything but I still get hungry. So I can eat but I can't enjoy anything. I am officially in hell.
Meanwhile, at Lifetime Fitness.....
J. didn't show up for class on Wednesday. I had called the head trainer to complain about her and I thought I had succeeded in getting her kicked out. But, alas, I am not that powerful. She just missed a day. She should be back today and they are going to talk to her about interupting all of the time and spouting her nonsense.
I would hate to have to kick her butt in my weakened condition.
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On a darker note...

What the hell is wrong with people? We've got pedophiles in congress, people shooting at the Amish, and husbands out cheating on their wives. I watched "Hotel Rowanda" and almost couldn't finish watching it because it was just so hard to believe that people can be that mean and hateful to other people. I have spent the majority of my life trying to believe the best in people but sometimes, my faith is shaken. People do horrible things and then blame it either on alcohol abuse or a tortured childhood. I am sure that those two things do not help when you are trying to become a well adjusted person but people have to take responsiblity at some point for their own lives.
Everything that glitters isn't necessarily gold. I think everyone tries to put on a good front to make it look like their lives are peachy. I have never learned to be mysterious and private. I pretty much share just about everything that is going on in my life. Others, however, do not. That is why it always comes as a surprise when a seemingly happy couple falls apart due to infidelity or whatever. I know its hard to share problems with others sometimes because people can be judgemental. I don't like it when someone tells me what I should do with my life so I don't usually give advice unless I am asked. I would love to tell women that if their spouse cheats on them, kick them to the curb. However, being on the outside looking in, it's easy for me to say. Each person has to look inside themselves and make up their own mind. Do you stay together for convenience and hope he never does it again or do you cut and run? There isn't only anger to deal with but there is also hurt and maybe a little longing to just forget about it. Tough stuff for sure.
As for Foley, who was caught sending inappropriate emails to young boys and now blames it on alcohol and being molested when he was younger, get over yourself! It's really sad that you were molested when you were younger(if that's true) but it's no excuse. The chain has to be broken. He has a problem and he needs to deal with it and take responsibility for his actions.
I'm not sure where I am going with any of this but I needed to vent.
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Greatest Dad

I usually don't get mushy but I just have to say that I have the greatest husband ever. He doesn't blow off his parenting responsibilities like I have heard other women complain about. He occasionally watches Eli while I go to bunco or book club. When I met Charles I knew he was a great guy but, more importantly, I knew he would be a great dad. He didn't have the best childhood himself but he is making sure that Eli always knows that he loves him. To see the look of love he has on his face sometimes takes my breath away. I hope that any women who read this and are single and are looking for a mate take this into account. It's great if the guy you like is good looking or has a lot of money but the most important thing to look for is patience and kindness. The guys who have that make the best husbands and fathers.
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The workout

So I have been doing this workout at a local health club. This workout is a group effort and you actually have to pay on top of your monthly membership dues. So there is some investment that you are making and you dont want anything to throw you off or distract you from your true purpose. That purpose would be to get rid of this disgusting butt and bulging tummy and get in some sort of shape. Well, the class started out with just 4 women. Two of them were really cool. Then there was this other woman. To protect the guilty, we will call her J. She is awful. She started out talking the first day and has not shut up since. This is coming from me, a perpetual talker. Her boyfriend is a trainer there and she thinks she knows everything about everything. She knows everything about fitness and nutrition and working out. This is rather strange since she is not what you would call a small woman. She constantly tries to wow our trainer with her knowledge. Bless his heart. He tries to be patient and go along with her but I can see he is irritated too. If I was running the class I would have snapped her with my sweat towel a long time ago. Picture this: we are on an 8 to 10% incline going at a 3.0 speed. We have been doing this for two minutes and he is getting ready to tell us to drop our incline and our speed. Right as he is about to say something, J. interupts and starts talking about how your fat leaves your body by way of your urine. She knows this for a fact because she heard about it on Dr. Phil. I wonder how much knowledge she can spout with my foot up her ass? I am over it. The thing that gets me is that I am actually paying to be this annoyed. She has got to go. I will figure out a way. Either she goes or I want my friggin money back. i can get this annoyed at work and they actually pay ME.
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Sugar high...

we had a great weekend. Eli wasn't teething and he is walking all over the place now. yes, i can safely say that this weekend, we were the typical American nuclear family. Then, last night, i got the bright idea to give my son a small slice of chocolate cake. he loved it. he licked almost every last piece he could find on his hands. then i cleaned him off and got him out of the highchair. then, he went mad. he started screaching and laughing and pacing back and forth. the pacing was a little un-nerving because he just learned to walk so he was walking in the little frankenstein way that new walkers like to walk. he was a maniac. he had cake before at his birthday party and he didnt have this kind of rush. it must have been the cake. it came from market street and i think it was double chocolate or something. i only gave him a little bitty slice but i packed a heck of a punch. lessoned learned.
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Eli is on the move...

well, it finally happened. eli went from only sporadically walking to full fledged thats about all he will do walking. its exiciting but also terrifying. he is facinated with electrical outlets and stairs. there are twenty million things to peak his interest in our house but he picks those two things. its a heart attack waiting to happen. and he's so freakin' proud of himself its really hard to get onto him about it. so i just put in some outlet covers and run interferance on the stairs. he also thinks its alot of fun to torture the dog. his thinking is that if he smiles real cute it doesnt matter that he is trying to pull her ears off and she will just forgive him instead of biting his head off. i keep trying to tell him that he wont ben this cute forever and he wont always get away with things be we both know i am full of crap. look at him for God's sake. he is a certified dumpling. we are so screwed. do you think the judge will think he is this cute when he gets sent to juvie for knocking over a liquor store because his father and i were too soft to give him the discipline he needs? i sure hope so.
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is pregnancy a cure for the common cold?

last year when i was pregnant with Eli, i did not get sick once. not the flu, not allergies, no colds, nada. in the 13 months since i had him, however, i have been sick a bazillion times. it sucks. someone can just look at me and i get a cold. i am over it. if i have to stay knocked up the rest of my life, i will do it(hubby would probably appreciate the trying to get pregnant part anyway). its like i had some sort of immunity. now i drop him off at the germ factory(daycare) and he will either get it and give it to me or it will just skip him altogether and jump straight to me. life is just not fair.
oh well. i have to go. a total lack of oxygen is causing me to be light headed. i can't stop sneezing and can only breathe through my mouth. if a fire broke out at my house right now i wouldnt know it because i cant smell anything. food has no tasted though unfortunately, my appetite has not gone away. crapola!
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what is wrong with people

i have had this discussion with the women in my mom's group before. here you are, walking along at the mall or whatever, with your precious child and someone passes you and doesnt even crack a smile or gush over how outstandingly beautiful your child is. that just shows a lack of soul. i know every mother thinks that their child is beautiful but when i know for a fact mine actually is, it really bugs me. every time i see him, i just want to eat him up so i know he has to be cute. i think that all of us moms should carry some sort of device that, is used upon them, would send all non-gushers into fits of pain or boils or something. a little harsh i know but so is passing by God's gifts and not taking in their beauty.
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the gym, neo and cell phones

so i did my makeup workout today at lifetime fitness since i missed yesterdays class. this was one tough workout. 53 minutes of going up and down hills. so i am doing my workout and i am sweating like a stuck pig. this was like a very large amount of sweat. what is going on? then it hit me. one of the huge tv screens had the first "Matrix" movie on with subtitles and that movie in itself is a workout. trying to figure out the plot is a aerobic workout of the mind. dont even get me started on the other two.
so after the gym and after i sat for awhile to recover, i decided to take eli to the park. it was beautiful! the sun was reflecting on the lake. kids were frollicking. the geese and ducks were out in full force. then i came across this beautiful scene of these two little boys fishing with their grandfather watching them. it was a scene straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting except for one small thing---the dude was on his cell phone! then i took a closer look around and realized that there wer at least three other people going on a peaceful walk with their friggin cell phone glued to their ears. when did this happen? it used to be that you went to the park to excercise and get fresh air and to be with your family or friends. now its something you have to do while keeping yourself entertained. i would have started yelling at all of them if my cell phone hadnt rang just then.......
just kidding.
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the temptresses

so last week we are all trying to eat right and it was a coworkers birthday and we said we would take her to lunch. she decided to go to maccaroni grill. like i can actually set foot in a place like that without having the penne rustica(from heaven, yummy). so i blew diet bigtime. this week i have done pretty well until renee decides we need to go to scotty peas. like i can really set foot in there without having the cardiac fries! umm, i am beginning to sense a pattern. maybe i shouldn't set foot in these places and remove the temptation. i'm just weak. i have pms this week and want to eat everything. i have a big thing for food. unfortunately, my butt has a big thing for it too.
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they will rue the day....

i am having problems with Eli's daycare. he just moved up into the bigger kids room last week and they have breakfast with the general population in the cafeteria from 7 to 7:30. i usually drop Eli off at 7:40. well, they are refusing to feed my son breakfast if he gets there late!
so today i dragged my lazy butt up and managed to get Eli there at 7:25. the morning teacher, who i do not care for, proceeded to tell me i had to stay with Eli while he ate because i got there too late. oh no she didnt! i then proceeded to gripe her out and yell at her and act like the P.M.S.ing fiend i am. the manager is supposed to call me to work this out. if they can't, i will get on my mom's meetup site and tell anyone who will listen that they suck! no one messes with my boy. i will go kung foo on their butts.
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traffic sucks

yesterday it took me an hour and a half to get from mckinney to keller springs and the tollway. i decided to take preston down and the light at frankford and preston was flashing so they had one lone cop directing traffic. by the time i got to work, i wanted to kill someone.
i am from waco. you can get anywhere in waco in under 14 minutes. in dallas, 14 minutes may take you five miles if you are lucky.
when i got off of work. i decided to take preston(no, i promise i am not slow, i just figured the light was fixed by then). the light was fixed, but then they were doing contruction further up. aw, hello no! i quickly made a beeline for a side street and ended up in some residential neighborhood and got completely turned around. i eventually got back on track and it was smooth sailing after that.
then this morning, i leave my house extra early and drop the kiddo off in time for the nazi daycare to feed him breakfast(separate blog later to explain). then there is a wreck on 720! the brilliant frisco cops were letting the east bound lane go through and then they would let about 2 cars at a time go through on the west bound lane. you will never guess which lane i was in.
maybe i will move out to the country and grow veggies or something. i can't take much more of this crappy traffic.
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monday and tuesday ups and downs

started my excercise class last night called "team weight loss". did the treadmill for 43 minutes going up and down hills. it sucked but i managed to finish without having a heart attack or passing out. its the little victories that get me through it. Eli proceeded to throw up on me this morning and then fell into a blissful sleep while daddy and i had to actually get up and go to work. i was able to get about 45 more minutes of sleep than daddy.
tonight i had bible study and 30 minutes into it i got paged to go to the nursery. i figured he was just fussy but when i got down there he was sitting in just a diaper next to a gigantic pile of puke. i felt so sorry for the women working in there. i kept apologizing. i felt bad but not bad enough to clean it up. i wanted to hurl just looking at it. even if it came out of your precious gift from God--its still puke.
so last night charles came home bearing flowers and a very sweet card. he said he read my blog and felt bad. i was using the blog just to vent so it was never my intention to make him feel bad but if it got me flowers and his attention, so be it. i just want to say that despite what i have said in previous blogs, i do have the best husband ever. i used to think it was corny when women would say that their husbands were their best friends but now i know exactly what they meant. he's everything.
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hubby's back--all is good

Hubby came back yesterday from his mission trip to new orleans. i saw the van drive up at church and i took Eli out so he could greet his daddy. He gets out and heads straight for us. i have my arms outstretched(which is really hard since i have the baby in one arm and an umbrella in the other hand). i imagine our reunion in slow motion and i hear romantic music playing in my head. He reaches us and immediately takes Eli from my arms. i had to pratically beg him to kiss me hello.
somehow, with the birth of Eli, i have become numero secondo in my husbands eyes. i always thought that if he did ignore me, it would be for some blond who was young, firm and fully packed. i never imagined it would be for some short bald guy.

poor husband...not

so here i am pining away for my poor hubby who sounded miserable last night when i talked to him. he is in new orleans doing some demo work for a mission trip at church. he sounded so tired and i figured he misses me as much as i miss him. so last night when i was on the phone with him i asked him to call me the next night.
9:45 and still no phone call. so i call the number he had called me from the night before. i left to a message to please have my husband call me when he got a chance. i figured he was up to his ears in nasty, foul smelling rot and just couldnt get to a phone. so when he does call me, where does he call me from? Friggin bourbon street! sounding like he was having the time of his life and not missing me a darn bit. here i am taking care of our son and trying to not think about him being so far away and he is out partying with the church folk! the only thing that makes me feel okay about this whole thing is that he doesnt ever drink and knows how to keep it in his pants. he keeps talking about getting a mistress but we have both agreed i am all that he can handle right now and he sure cannot afford another womans shopping habits.
so come home charles! we miss you!
later
slr

Eli the masochistic muncher

so i decided that just firmly saying no to Eli when he tried to bite me wasn't working. he just looked at me and smiled. so i took his fingers and gently bit down on them(please do not call CPS) to let him know having your leg (or worse, your boob) bitten does not feel good. He looked confused for a minute, looked at his fingers, and them proceeded to shove them back into my mouth like it was fun. is it too early to start him on therapy? He thinks its fun!
so we just got back from the mall to try to find Eli his first official pair of shoes. i have looked for shoes for him before but i would just eyeball them and hold them up to his feet and assumed he wore a three. the lady at Striderite measured him and he wears a 4 1/2 wide! because he wears a wide width shoe, they will be more expensive because they do not always carry wide width childrens shoes in std stores. the shoes the lady at striderite tried to sell me were $42! this is for something he may be able to wear a couple of months and them he will have grown out of. one of my problems is, unlike most women in America, i hate to buy shoes. i would much rather buy clothes. i am afraid i am starting to feel the same about shopping for Eli. why pay $50 for a pair of shoes when they have such cute little boy outfits?
so if you see my son walking around with tin foil or kleenex boxes on his feet, don't worry. its just that his mom is not a shoe horse.
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first attempt at culinary stardom was a bust

i took a cooking class last week and learned how to make cream cheese crab cakes. i was so excited i decided to make some tonight and use my co-workers tomorrow as guinne pigs.
now i would like to point out that never once during the class did the chef instruct us to use anything but lump crab. right after the class i went and looked and about 10lbs of lump crab would be $10. being the economically minded person that i am (don't laugh at that charles. i like to spend money. just not on silly things like food.), i decided to buy some imitation crab meat and use that instead. it was only $2 a pound. apparently, there was a reason she didnt say you could substitute anything other than genuine lump crab. it was awful. it wouldnt stick together and before too long i had some sort of stringing looking concoction going in the skillet that didnt even remotely resemble the beautiful crab cakes the chef prepared. i ended up trashing it without even tasting them that looked so bad. on a more positive note: i did make some herb cheese bread and it was awesome. after looking at the recipe, however, i am convinced Eli could have made this if he could reach the counter.
so when i have the funds, i will buy some actual crab and i am sure it will be wonderful. i can cook. i just need to have directions i can follow and not deviate from them.
on a side note that has nothing to do with the blurb above: how can i convince Eli not to bite me? he comes at me with mouth wide open ready to devour anything his mouth comes into contact with. when i firmly but lovingly tell him no, he grins and goes for me again. i'm thinking he is on to the fact that his dad and i melt whenever he smiles at us and therefore has free reign to call all of the shots. we are in so much trouble!
Charles is in New Orleans right now doing a mission trip for church so i am left to my own devices. Umm. by myself and payday is tomorrow. however will i pass the time? crap! i promised charles i would be good so the extent of my shopping this weekend is to buy Eli his first official pair of shoes. Yes, i know he is 13 months old now and it is totally trashy to let him go barefoot but i didnt get the memo about what is appropriate or not. its not like i let me wander about in just a diaper. its just bare feet. plus i love his smelly little baby feet. i guess its time to grow up. i'm talking about me, not him.
off to my lonely bed without hubby. i'm not sure who the dog is going to spoon with now.
see ya!

Well, here it is...

My first official blog entry. A mom friend of mine has a blog and it is so engrossing that I thought I would try it.
I am preparing myself for Charles to be out of town. He is going on a mission trip to New Orleans to demo a house for four whole days. That means I have to find a way to entertain Eli. It usually doesn't take much. The great thing about having a kid is that they are, at least temporarily, your biggest fan. Just about anything you do is amusing to them. Of course, he is just as entertaining. It's kind of like having your own little circus monkey around all of the time. He is doing this thing lately where he does this half walk, half crawl thing. He basically crawls on his hand and feet and doesn't bend his knees. It's hysterical. (Don't get in too big of a hurry, bunny. I am in not good enough shape to try to chase you yet.)
So I am starting a sort of mini boot camp next week. It's basically Monday, Wednesday and Fridays from 6pm to 7pm). It's going to be a beating but I have to do something. Big birthing hips are not the "in" thing right now. If they were, I would be the spokesmodel.
Anyway, more to follow as the mood strikes me. I know this is probably a boring first effort, but I will work on it.
Happy Wednesday!

First Post

I may not have as much time to spend on this and some friends do, butI think its a great idea to spout off every now and then about this and that.
Stay tuned!